Forgive like the Forgiven

Posted: October 10, 2012 in Matthew

Matthew 18:21-35, “Forgive like the Forgiven”

Years ago, Elton John sang “Sorry seems to be the hardest word.”  If saying “I’m sorry” is truly the hardest thing to say, then “I forgive you,” might be the next runner-up.  Forgiveness is truly difficult for many people – perhaps even most people, and it makes sense as to why.  Whatever were the specific circumstances, we found ourselves hurt – wronged by someone else – and a sense of justice has now arisen in our lives, and we want some sort of action to be taken.  The problem comes in when we want justice for others, yet grace for ourselves.  We want to be forgiven – both by God and by others – yet we so often have a difficult time extending that same forgiveness to others.  Yet Jesus makes it plain that we are to forgive just as we have been forgiven by God.

Earlier, Jesus had taught about offenses, and the need for reconciliation and restoration. Invariably there comes a point in this process in which someone is going to need to extend forgiveness.  Think about it: when there is a conflict that arises, someone is confronted in a loving and humble way and if they hear the complaint and repent, then there needs to be some way of drawing things to a resolution.  God’s resolution is forgiveness.  We can’t confront someone about a stumbling sin or offense against us, expect them to acknowledge the sin and seek to be restored to us if we’re not willing to extend forgiveness.  After all, if we do not desire to forgive the person, what exactly is the put in confronting them?  We already know that vengeance is not ours, but the Lord’s, so it is not as if we can seek some sort of punishment.  Forgiveness is really the only option for a Christian. When we refuse to extend forgiveness, we’re the one with the offense at that point; not just against the other person, but against God.

So Peter comes asking Jesus about forgiveness.  Seemingly wanting to appear super-spiritual, he imagines for himself a standard that no normal Jew would have expected.  In his response, Jesus basically tells Peter that the standard of men doesn’t even begin to compare with the standard of God.  Forgiveness is limitless because our forgiveness of others is based upon the forgiveness we ourselves have received from God.

Matthew 18:21–35
21 Then Peter came to Him and said, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?”

  • We don’t know the exact time frame, but it seems that Peter was responding to Jesus after what Jesus taught regarding reconciliation & church discipline.  These offenses would happen within the church, so Peter takes it to heart.  Peter understood that this sin/offense could occur against him.  It was personal.
    • BTW – this is a good mindset to have.  Whenever we study the Scriptures, there are three basic steps: observation – interpretation – application.  We observe by looking at what the text actually says (not what we might imagine it to say) – we interpret by looking at what God intended to say to the original audience within the surrounding context – we apply it by looking at how these principles might work out within our lives.  Peter had understood what Jesus had said – Jesus’ intent was clear – now Peter was wondering how it ought to work out in his own life.
  • Peter understood that God expected him to forgive; he just imagined a limit on what God would reasonably expect from any of us.  The Hebrew mindset called for forgiveness up to three times (as reflected in Amos 1-2, as when God states repeatedly, “For three times, and for four…”).  This was seen as the spiritual response, along the lines of what God would want.  Peter takes this & doubles it.  Instead of 3 times & even 4, he calls for 7 times.  Since 7 was often seen as a number of holy completion, it probably seemed like a logical figure for something that would be truly merciful.
  • Seven times IS a lot!  It simply is a different mindset that what God desires for us.  We’re not looking to keep count, in order that we could know when we could stop forgiving someone.  That’s a motivation of law; not love.  Law says how many times we have to forgive; love believes the best and doesn’t look for a limit.

22 Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.

  • Here is the standard of God.  Forgiveness, properly motivated, is limitless.  In effect, Jesus says, “Nice try, Peter – but you still haven’t understood what I’m asking for.  Forgive always, in every situation, with every person who has offended you.”  Jesus doesn’t respond with a technical legal answer; He responds with showing the need for a loving heart towards our brothers and sisters.  Seven times was a lot, according to the law.  Seven times was up & beyond anything that the law even implied!  Yet seven times doesn’t cut it.  Jesus gets rid of all the limits all together.  Not 7 times; by 70×7 times.
  • Depending on the translation you’re reading, Jesus either tells Peter to forgive 70×7 times or 77 times.  The Greek scholar AT Robertson says that the distinction between the two in the language is not entirely clear.  That said, be careful about debating the difference between 77 times or the 490 times…that’s missing the forest for the trees.  When we get caught in this trap, we make the same mistake as Peter.  We’re looking for a limit up to which we have to extend forgiveness.  That’s looking to the law in order to solve our problem, rather than looking to love.
  • Surely Jesus’ statement was rather shocking to Peter (like it is to many of us!), so Jesus proceeds to tell a parable to help illustrate what He means…

23 Therefore the kingdom of heaven is like a certain king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. 24 And when he had begun to settle accounts, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents.

  • A king settles accounts with those who are His servants in his kingdom.  We’re not told anything about what some of the other servants may have owed him, but apparently this was a very wealthy king, in that he had at least one servant who owed him a ton of money.
  • One owed an unfathomable amount…surely more than anyone could ever pay.  There are different thoughts as to exactly how much money this is, though to put an exact figure on it somewhat misses the point.  The basic calculation is that a single denarius was equivalent to one day’s pay – a single talent was about 75 pounds worth of gold, or about 6000 denarii.  The servant owed 10,000 of these talents to the king.  Should the servant forego his wages for the rest of his life, there would be no way to repay the king.  To put it in perspective, the amount of gold that came to Solomon (the richest man alive) during the height of his reign was 666 talents per year.  If interpreted as a literal amount (rather than as the largest number possibly imaginable), then the servant would have to generate Solomon’s wealth for over 15 years straight to pay off the debt.  Absolutely inconceivable.  It’s the “inconceivable-ness” that Jesus is portraying.  However much the servant owed the king, it was more than could easily be imagined.  Imagine the IRS coming after you personally for the amount of the GDP of the United States…that’s a similar analogy.

25 But as he was not able to pay, his master commanded that he be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and that payment be made. 26 The servant therefore fell down before him, saying, ‘Master, have patience with me, and I will pay you all.’ 27 Then the master of that servant was moved with compassion, released him, and forgave him the debt.

  • The servant was about to lose everything when he pleaded for mercy.  Because there was no way to repay the debt, his whole family would be sold into slavery – he would have nothing left and absolutely no hope for the future.  Today, we might see people taken to court for unpaid debts, but nothing along these lines.  However, this was the norm for the day.  Since there was no hope the servant could possibly repay even the smallest portion of his debt, he begs for mercy.  Interestingly enough, the servant still imagines that somehow he’d be able to pay it off – but considering how much he owed, this was entirely unrealistic.  Basically the servant is at the end of his rope & he doesn’t know what to do or say; he just knows he doesn’t want he or his family to be sold into life-long slavery.
  • The king "was moved with compassion" and extended forgiveness.  This is the same phrase used of Jesus when He saw the multitudes, knowing that they were like sheep without a shepherd (Mt 9:36), or when Jesus saw the needs of the multitudes and went among them healing them (Mt 14:14), or when Jesus saw the hunger of the multitudes after they had followed Him for three days (Mt 15:32).  This speaks of someone’s inner being moving – as if someone felt this emotion deep within their gut.  Apparently the king of Jesus’ parable saw the plight of his servant, and took deep pity upon him knowing how helpless he was.  Instead of imprisoning him or delivering him to the slaver’s block, the king extended total forgiveness.  What could never be paid was suddenly not an issue at all, as the one who had a legitimate claim over the debt simply let it go and forgave it all.  He lay aside his right to claim the money and set his servant free.
  • The master had a legitimate complaint against his servant, but because of his compassion, he waived the debt & forgave him.  Don’t get the wrong idea here.  It’s not like the king pretended that nothing happened, or that there had been no offense against him.  That’s the way a lot of people look at forgiveness…they think they just have to pretend as if nothing ever happened and no price was paid.  They wonder why God can’t forgive them the same way.  Why is it Jesus actually had to die (or anyone has to die)?  Why couldn’t God pretend as if nothing ever happened?  That’s NOT forgiveness.  Forgiveness is dealing with the offense and resolving the offense.  In our case, that meant Jesus had to die.  In the case of the king, that meant that he personally absorbed the cost.  The money had still been owed/spent; it’s just that the king took the loss upon himself and allowed his servant to go free.
  • This is grace!  Grace is commonly defined as “unmerited favor,” and it certainly describes this.  What the servant deserved was the worst of all possible punishments.  He was already a slave, but his slavery would be much more debased as he would be sold from out of the presence of the king…he and all his family.  Yet what he received was freedom!  The king did not ask for one red cent.  He had received kindness beyond his wildest imagination – he had received grace.  What did he do with it?  See vs. 28…

28 “But that servant went out and found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii; and he laid hands on him and took him by the throat, saying, ‘Pay me what you owe!’

  • The servant leaves and finds someone who owed him a debt.  Remember that a single denarius was the usual single day’s pay for a laborer, thus this was basically 3 months’ worth of pay that he was owed.  (The Amplified Bible says $20, but the translation surely fails here.)  This is a lot, from anyone!  Not too many of us could go without 3 months’ worthy of pay for long.  This servant was owed the money, and he understandably needed it to be paid back to him.
    • The debt is substantial, but absolutely trivial in light of what the original servant owed the king.  Remember that the first servant had owed the king more than he could ever possibly repay (despite his promises to the contrary).  By the calculations of some scholars, the man owed the king more money than could have even been circulating in the entire land of Judea at the time.  Of course, the contrast is the point.  Yes, the servant had a legitimate complaint, but with the perspective of what he had been forgiven, his complaint amounted to nothing.
  • In light of what had just happened between him and the king, one would think that he might be in a jovial mood, impacted by the compassion and grace with which the king had showered him.  Yet how did he respond to this fellow servant?  With violence.  He didn’t merely approach the man & gently remind him of the debt.  He didn’t take him aside to talk to him, and begin the process that Jesus had just taught.  He didn’t even short-circuit it by bringing witnesses or telling the greater assembly of people.  Instead, he grabbed the man by his throat, and violently demanded his money.
    • This is the first sign that something is wrong.  Before we even get any further in the parable, already we see that this man has no appreciation for the grace he has been shown.  We see that this servant had no love in his heart towards others, and the compassion shown by the king is drastically contrasted with his own heart which is completely void of compassion altogether.  He had tasted of the grace of the king, but he left that encounter completely unchanged.  There was no trace of the grace of the king left upon his life.

29 So his fellow servant fell down at his feet and begged him, saying, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you all.’ 30 And he would not, but went and threw him into prison till he should pay the debt.

  • The second servant also pleas for mercy, but the first servant refuses and goes forth with the maximum punishment as allowed by law. Debtors’ prisons were common at the time, as a way to work off what had been owed.  The first servant had no problem nor hesitation having the man thrown into jail, despite the fact that he himself had only just escaped a similar fate. 
  • What he did was legal; it was not loving.  He had every right to throw the man into prison, but he was not compelled to do so.  Just as the king had absorbed the massive loss of 10,000 talents, so could this servant have absorbed the loss of 100 denarii.  At the very least, he could have set up some sort of plan to have allowed the man to pay him back as he asked.  Love would have looked for another option – love would have found another way.  The servant was not willing to love, and he looked only to his own wants, needs, and desires, rather than looking beyond himself to his fellow servant.  True love is not selfish in this regard.  1 Corinthians 13:4–7, "(4) Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; (5) does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; (6) does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; (7) bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." []  There is much in that description that describes the actions of the king, but there is nothing here that describes the actions of the servant.
  • Why is love so important here?  Because the love of Christ in our lives is evident of the forgiveness of Christ that we have received.  John put it this way: 1 John 3:14–15, "(14) We know that we have passed from death to life, because we love the brethren. He who does not love his brother abides in death. (15) Whoever hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him." []  What best describes the actions of the first servant: love or hate?  The evidence of hatred towards his brother (his fellow servant – a slave of the king, just like he was a slave of the king) only served to indict him of his own sin.

31 So when his fellow servants saw what had been done, they were very grieved, and came and told their master all that had been done. 32 Then his master, after he had called him, said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you begged me. 33 Should you not also have had compassion on your fellow servant, just as I had pity on you?’ 34 And his master was angry, and delivered him to the torturers until he should pay all that was due to him.

  • Word got back to the king as to what happened, and the king sends for his servant, chastises him as wicked, and condemns the man for not doing to others what was done for him.  It’s no wonder that the other servants reported him.  Surely the gift the king had given this man through his grace had not gone unnoticed.  The amount that had been forgiven him was beyond imagination, and it would have captured the attention of everyone around.  So when these other slaves saw the complete lack of love of the first servant towards the second, they immediately saw injustice at work.  Keep in mind that without the earlier forgiveness by the king, the other servants may not have noticed much at all wrong.  After all, the servant had indeed been owed a debt, and the laws of the land allowed him to throw his debtor into prison.  The problem here wasn’t with the law (it never is); the problem was the hypocritical lack of sympathy.  They immediately noticed a total lack of perspective from the first servant.  This servant had been loved in light of massive debt, yet he chose to hate in light of something far less important.
  • The king doesn’t mince words when the first servant is brought to him.  “You wicked servant!”  The king had been unquestionably good whereas his servant had been resoundingly evil.  This wasn’t a matter of what the law had allowed – the law HAD allowed the slave to act the way he did.  This was a matter of the heart.  The slave’s heart had been revealed, and it was shown to everyone (including the king) to be desperately wicked.  The king had set the example in going beyond the law to absorbing his own loss in love and forgiveness, and he (rightfully) expected his servants to do the same.
    • This is so often where our problem comes.  We are the ones who have been forgiven so much – our God has set the example for us.  Yet we are hesitant to go to the same extent as our Lord did in our forgiveness.  We’re grateful for what we have received, but we can be so very stingy in extending it.
  • What did the king do?  Went back to justice.  If the servant thought justice was what was so important, then the king would ensure that the servant experienced it first-hand.  He wasn’t merely thrown into the debtors’ prison, but he was handed over “to the torturers.”  Why such a harsh punishment?  Because it fit the crime.  The servant could never pay back what he had owed…not if he was sold 1000 times as a slave, nor handed over every penny he earned for the rest of his life.  Since he could never pay the debt, the punishment would be extracted from his flesh.  The rest of his days would be spent in pain, and still he would never come close to paying his debt.  But…it was just.  The slave was treated exactly as he had treated his fellow servant.

That’s the parable.  It’s a nice story, but remember that a parable is an illustration that makes a point about the kingdom of God, or the character of God.  So what does this say about the kingdom, or about our relationship with God?  Several things:

  • We are the servants that owe our God more than we can possibly pay.
  • God would be just in allowing us to experience the full measure of His wrath.
  • Yet instead of pouring out His wrath upon us, He personally absorbed the cost of our sin when He poured out His wrath upon Jesus Christ.
  • Just like the servant had someone owe him a debt, we’re going to have occasions where people have legitimately sinned against us.  We will have legitimate complaints and times where we have been truly hurt.  Sometimes this hurt will even come from our “fellow servant” – someone within the body of Christ.
  • The question then becomes: how will we respond to that hurt?  Will we seek to exact justice upon that person – to hurt them back and take what (we believe) is rightfully ours?  Or will we seek to treat that person the same way we have been treated by God?

35 “So My heavenly Father also will do to you if each of you, from his heart, does not forgive his brother his trespasses.”

  • Sobering words.  Jesus takes us straight to the application: forgive, because you have been forgiven.  Forgive the person who has offended you – cast off your anger and hurt – let it go.  Don’t do it like the child who is forced by his/her parents to say “I’m sorry & I forgive you,” begrudgingly before stomping off in the other direction, but do it from the heart in sincerity.  Truly forgive the person.  In response to Peter’s question, forgiveness isn’t looking for a limit; it’s looking for love and peace.  A pre-determined limit to our forgiveness shows that we do not truly forgive at all.  We’re saying, “That’s 1…that’s 2…that’s 3…come on, you’re getting close before I can truly slam you and be done with you…”
  • That’s not how we’re to forgive others because that wasn’t our own experience with our forgiveness from God.  How much did God forgive us?  Totally – completely – for everything.  Think of it chronologically.  When did Jesus die for you?  2000 years ago at the cross.  When did Jesus determine to die for you?  Before the very foundations of the world.  When did Jesus know the fullness of your sin against Him?  At the same time.  So knowing that at an unbeliever you would sin against God and that you were in dire need of forgiveness and grace, Jesus died for you.  Beyond that, knowing that as a Christian you would STILL sin against God and would always be in constant need of forgiveness and grace, Jesus STILL died for you.  IOW, Jesus died for the sins that you have not yet committed.  Jesus’ grace towards you reaches far past the immediate moment – He’s made provision for the rest of your life into eternity.  THAT is how we have been forgiven; that is the model on which we ought to extend forgiveness towards others.  This takes away our common excuses:
    • “But you don’t understand what this person has done!”  Jesus does.  He understands immense pain, betrayal, physical and emotional suffering, and even what it feels like to seem as if God Himself has cast you off.  And yet He still forgives.
    • “But this person hasn’t even apologized!”  Perhaps not – and there’s a possibility that he/she may never repent and apologize.  You cannot control another person’s actions; you can only control your own.  What has God called you to do?  He’s called you to forgive.  Again, think about Jesus.  Jesus died for the entire human race – the vast majority of whom have not said “I’m sorry,” and asked for forgiveness.  Yet His forgiveness is still made available to them.  Jesus made the provision for your forgiveness long before you ever recognized your need for it and apologized in repentance.
    • “But this person keeps on hurting me, and it doesn’t appear he/she will ever change his/her behavior.”  Remember that forgiveness doesn’t mean that we turn a blind eye to someone and pretend that the offense never happened.  Sometimes we might have to change some of our own behavior that might allow the opportunity for these offenses to take place.  Sometimes certain boundaries need to be established.  In the case of church discipline, remember that Jesus had just taught that an unrepentant person who refused every reconciling act from the church needed to be treated as “a heathen and a tax collector.”  The church would treat this person differently, not incorporating him into the rest of the congregation, and look at this person in need of salvation.  Boundaries have been established, both for the protection of God’s people and to hopefully bring the offender to a point of repentance and restoration.  BUT…that doesn’t stop the offended person from still offering true forgiveness.  We can still sincerely forgive, even if the person remains unrepentant.
    • “But it’s so hard!”  Yes, it is.  It’s truly hard – it’s sacrificial.  Again, think of what Jesus sacrificed for you to make your forgiveness possible.  Forgiveness is necessary, but no one ever promises that it is easy.  Yet what is impossible with men is possible with God.  When we need the power to extend forgiveness, we can turn to the One who offers such power.  We can pray that the Holy Spirit will empower us and equip us for what needs to be done.  We can pray that God would change our own hearts towards our offender, that we might be ready to forgive fully.  Where we lack the will, we can ask God to help us change.
  • What happens if we do not forgive?  There’s a bit of a warning here, isn’t there?  Jesus taught something similar when He gave us the model prayer.  Matthew 6:14–15, "(14) “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. (15) But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses." []  Our willingness to forgive goes far to demonstrate our own experience with forgiveness.  The person who truly understands the scope of his/her forgiveness from God is someone who (with the help of God) extends sincere forgiveness towards others who are undeserving of it.  Yet if a Christian steadfastly refuses to extend forgiveness, this ought to be a red flag – a giant warning light that our faith may not be what we assume it to be.  Most people will run across situations in which it is difficult to forgive – we get help from the Lord, forgive, and go on with our lives.  Yet there are other people who delight in holding grudges, who hold the name of Christ with one hand and a proverbial sword in the other, just waiting for the next person to come along to offend their sensibilities.  That kind of person has no evidence of the love of Christ in his/her life, and thus no real assurance of faith and forgiveness.  That kind of person ought to fall to his/her knees quickly!
    • Even for the true born-again Christian, there is a warning here.  Our relationship with God can be hindered when we hold onto unforgiveness.  When we hold a grudge against someone else, we’re not hurting that person; the only person who is harmed is us.  We harbor evil thoughts toward someone, and then try to offer prayers and worship to God.  It doesn’t work that way.  God wants us to forgive, not only for the sake of the other person, but also for our own benefit – that we would have pure and clean hearts before our God and Savior.
  • Question: “Does this parable mean that someone can lose their salvation if they choose to withhold forgiveness from someone else?”  After all, the servant really WAS forgiven, yet he still withheld forgiveness.  The action of the king took place AFTER the servant had withheld forgiveness from his fellow servant.  All that is true – but we need to keep a couple of things in mind.  (1) This is a parable meant to illustrate the importance of forgiveness.  It’s not a total allegory showing a complete theological treatise on the extent of salvation.  (2) The servant had been told of his forgiveness, but he showed zero evidence of it.  He had heard the good news from the king, but then went and did the opposite.  People can hear the good news of salvation through Jesus Christ – they can live their lives among the rest of the believing church – and yet they still could remain outside of the faith because they never personally appropriated the gospel message.  IOW, they hear the news but they never truly receive it…which is often shown through their actions.  … The point Jesus was making is plain: forgive, as we’ve been forgiven.

Forgive!  Forgive sincerely – forgive without limits.  Forgive like you are the one who has been forgiven.  Why?  Because if you are a believer in Christ Jesus, that’s exactly what you are.  We owed God so much due to our sin.  We were fully deserving of all of the wrath that God could have possibly poured out on us.  We had rebelled against His rule in our lives – we had worshipped things other than our Creator – we had used the life that He gave us to do things that were abhorrent in His sight – we lusted after things that offended the perfect holiness of God, and the list could go on.  And yet He forgave us!  He personally absorbed the cost when Jesus died for us.  God the Son took the punishment for me & you & every single human being in history when He died upon the cross, and He offered us forgiveness.  When we responded to His offer of grace, Jesus forgave us for all our sins.  Not just the sins we had asked about…Jesus made provision for the sins we had not yet committed – He forgave us even for the sins about which we had forgotten.  He forgave us fully – He forgave us limitlessly. 

Christian, that is how we are to forgive others.  Beware in holding back your forgiveness.  Beware the trap that says, “I’ll give out my forgiveness when that person earns it.”  Grace (by definition) is not earned.  You did not earn the grace you were given; we cannot expect people to earn the grace that we give.  Forgive graciously.

Perhaps there’s someone that God has put on your mind throughout this entire message today.  You know you’ve been holding back on forgiveness from this person.  Maybe you haven’t wanted to forgive them – maybe you haven’t really known how to do it – maybe you’ve forgiven them in the past, but the issue keeps coming up again.  Whatever the case is today, take before the Lord right now in prayer, and offer your complete forgiveness.  Let it go.  Experience the freedom of grace that God desires for you as His child when you forgive someone else.  Do it again, and again, and again – as many times as it takes for you to remain truly free in the grace and love of God.  Where you lack the will, ask God for it & He will grant it.  God wants you to forgive, just as you have been forgiven – so don’t hold back.

  1. says:


    Before we can live together in an eternal community, we must be assured that there is nothing within us or others that might escalate or evolve into problems in the future. After all it would not be paradise if we continue to bring up all of our old issues among one another.

    When we leave the earth…we go through our life review. We are encouraged to seek our own justice and atonement by going to the parties we have hurt in our lives and asking them to tell us what they want from us in order to make amends. People out there, Solamenta will await the arrival of those on earth that they have committed transgressions against… if they are not already out there in order to make their amends; provided that is, if they are inclined to do so. For example… it’s a humiliating experience for a man to go to his best friend from the earth and confess to him that he had an affair with his wife, stole something from him, cheated him, talked behind his back etc. This is one of the reasons that many wives and husbands don’t continue their relationships out there.

    Forgiveness is a concept, granted it is a sterile and morose concept but nevertheless, it has flourished in spite of the fact there is little if any strength behind the words “I forgive you”. These words mean in essence, let’s forget about it. Forgiveness is a concept that has outlived its time!

    Instead, let’s consider a more logical approach to resolving our differences….

    Hated enemies who find themselves fighting on the same side, become brothers on the battlefield because they are necessary for each other’s survival. When we understand from a logical perspective that you and I are necessary for each other’s eternal survival, we no longer need to say the words, “I forgive you,” but rather, “I understand how badly we need each other”!

    [ed: link removed]

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